I’ve grown as a writer

When I used to write stories, the compulsion to post overpowered me  and I often posted before the story was fully refined.

I notice that same compulsion now, but it’s muted and more easily dismissed.  The last two stories I wrote were probably okay on their first few drafts, however, they were over indulgent. I leaned heavily into argument or fluffy scenes and struggled to cut areas that maybe I wanted but didn’t really help the story. Now, I have learned to write the scene I want and then gradually cut it out, until the story is no longer self-indulgent. I found this made for a richer, more poignant story.

There was a scene in my new fic that I really wanted to be there. The scene was rich in angst and betrayal and hard feelings, It was difficult to imagine removing it from the story.  It seemed wrong as the whole story was built because I wanted this scene.  Yet it seemed off. the more times I read the story, the more I realized it dragged the whole scene down. This morning I gently removed it from the scene at first cutting just the smallest bit then a bit more. By the end I found enough to incorporate a slight nod to the lost dialogue, then called it good. When I reread the story it was so much more powerful and believable.

I think this is what I always missed when I wrote before. I wondered why my fics could never reach the level I wished all while I was the one tying them down with sheer stubbornness. I needed patience. I needed to sit with the characters more. Just like raising a child, I needed to lift the reigns and let the story take its own shape.

There are several stories I now cringe at that I used to love so much. John and Rodney’s Mainland Adventure instantly springs to mind. Some of it is dialogue. Some of it is gratuitous. Some of it was written in ignorance. I can feel what that story can be and I am saddened that it is not.  Maybe someday I will go back and mend the words. Maybe I’ll fix other stories too. Maybe it’s not too late to make my old writing what it could always have been.

Note: I don’t necessarily think my current stuff is good. it’s probably not. I just think I understand the process better and I’m finally willing to let go.