sgatazmy

I managed 1000 words of a new story today. This is huge because I haven't been able to write at all for 3 weeks. Reading Tipper's I Sometimes Wonder series (McShep)  reminded me of how much I really love this series and why I can't seem to walk away from it. Then WonkyElk's story with the skutters (McShep) got me so very excited. Finally the words came.  Phew. I know at some point I should move on and switch fandoms again, but SGA just captures my heart in a way nothing else does.

I started revising my most dreaded (by me) story. Weakness. Written in 2006.  I loved it at the time and then negative feedback later led me to delete it. And then Case reminding me of the story and how much she loved it... It felt like it was finally time to go back, fix it up if possible. I feel like previous me was obsessed with the words "but" and "and". Some of the writing is good. Some is okay.  Some is in serious need of revision. It's a HUGE project. We'll see how it goes?


How are you all doing?

I finally am at the last chapter of Finding Home

It’s been over two months which is incredibly annoying, but its also 40k words at least so maybe 2 months is not so long.  I just was not prepared for how much this fic would take out of me.  I’ve been keeping it gen that can be read as preslash if preferred to make both my audiences happy, and I hope I’ve managed in that respect. There is a bit if Amelia/Ronon in background though as the show ended with them clearly together.

I think this fic is essentially a series finale, giving everyone a hopeful/happy ending.  

Anyway, how are you all?

Have you seen the meme with fanfiction that says something like: Sometimes you just want a hundred PB&Js?  This is in reference to always reading the same trope or seeking out one specific thing over and over in fanfic.  

See, sometimes I want humor.  Sometimes I want gen.  Only gen (or gen masquerading as pre slash).  Sometimes I want feelings realization and only feelings realization.

Apparently, lately, I only want poor emotionally tortured Rodney trying to cope with all the fallout from his actions.  I want lots and lots and lots of it.  If it references gating Elizabeth, all the better.  Replicator code? Yes, please. It needs some h/c with it, and friends that stand by him no matter what and help him see the good in him.  I LOVE THIS SO MUCH YOU ALL. I can't even tell you.

So I wrote this a lot. I also got my wonderful friend Mas_Pebbles_Sharp to write a story for me about it for Fandom Trumps Hate. It has everything I love, plus sea monster and Rodney imprisoned for months and whump! So go check it out:

Sentenced by Mas_Pebbles_Sharp.
Description: Pain. Mind-bending, nerve-screaming, something is terribly, terribly wrong pain. Was he dying? Rodney thought this time maybe there was no going back because surely you could not experience this much agony unless you were going to die? And surely the sense of profound loss and hopelessness he couldn’t put memories to made death the best of all options? He didn’t just give in to the darkness, he ran after it, only too willing to escape his agony.

Note: McShep, McKay/Sheppard/Ronon, definitely read the tags.
.......

And then there are all the stories I've written or podfic'd lately in this vein.  The latest of which is pretty much exactly the same PB&J sandwich I always eat, just dressed a little different to give it some flavor. This time the flavor comes in the form of self-destructive behaviors that have been slowly escalating. The story starts after it's gone too far when Rodney agrees to a punishment ritual off-world after a village blames him for recent deaths. 

I had to write this one when I woke up and I clearly heard Carson telling Rodney, "I'm sorry, son, Colonel Sheppard has advised we put you on a 48-hour hold pending a mental health evaluation."  

And after that was in my head, how could I not write it?????  Like, what would happen that John would take such a drastic step?

Blame Thy Foolish Self by Tazmy.   

This one is established McShep with nothing more than some handholding and a sentence or two saying they are together. 

 “Rodney isn’t as mad as the angel on his shoulder. The demon, on the other hand, is definitely feeling great. After all, he did punch John.”

-by my 11 year-old who grabbed ny laptop and just started writing.  Keep in mind, she hates writing! I am floored.


It’s been some long, hard days lately. How are you all?

Con Stuff:

 I'm exhausted.  I need to start pulling myself together and get my classes ready for the subs when I head off to Basingstoke. I am soooo seriously excited. I did a zoom call with several people going, including some of my favorite authors, and I think that went okay?  I suspect I talked too much which is my usual issue. It was fun, though, and they were all such lovely people that I get to meet soon!

Fic wise:

• I was surprised and happy to see that my fic, Festering Wounds, Hurting Souls, Loving Hearts got rec'd on stargateficrec. That doesn't happen too much for me. In fact, in my 18 years of writing SGA, I only have one other fic that got rec'd there.  The good news is this means this fic is creeping up on 100 kudos which makes me all kinds of happy as I only have one other fic above 100 kudos (it's like an achievement score in my eyes) I only wrote it a few months ago.  To think I almost deleted it after it was up for a day or two because I was unsure about it...

• Which reminds me, I need to make my recs on stargateficrec. I'm doing humor this month and I have a fairly good idea which ones I want to rec if I can just remember to actually do so.

• Working still on this fic with cassiope25 that we've been on since November. It's starting to come together and it's fun and different. tippergreen is kindly giving us some much needed help/background to pull our story together. Except for writing with my neighbor, this is my first collaboration fic and it's been a learning experience. I think I'm learning a lot and it's made me think about how much I want to do more collaborations and learn from even more people. I know I've learned a lot from cassiope25  and my neighbor with just a few short months of working together.

• I also have a few fic ideas in my head. My middle child  and I came up with a great idea that I think needs to be a fic: Ancient School books.  Learning to read from Ancient early readers.  Aesop's Fables, only with twisted Ancient morals like: "It is better to let your seed planet go than risk losing ascension."  I was thinking of calling it "The Ancient's Guide to Questionable Morals, abridged kid's edition."

Writing in a new fandom is tough but a fun challenge.  Getting the world right, hearing the voices of the characters, and learning the right type of words can be overwhelming.  I've been writing for over 22 years but it's still something I struggle with.  It doesn't help that I've always been a middle of the road writer despite my best efforts to improve.  My stuff is for some people but definitely not for everyone.  So I've been playing with this whole growth mindset stuff to help me improve and change my outlook.  I'm more willing to take criticism and not feel defined by one fic.  It would just be nice if after having written over 100 fics it would come more naturally by now.

Not that my last fic wasn't received well.  Actually, I assumed it would just get lost entirely in the crowd but it still got some likes and I gained several followers so not a failure at all.  (I realize MLP is the largest fandom I have ever seen and fics get thousands of likes but I don't see that happening for me any time soon and I'm okay with that.) I'm just looking at writing more fic and finding myself so hesitant with every line. I'm worried about getting the voices right and I have so many ideas I can't really sort through them all.

Ugh.  Growth mindset.  Gotta remember that.  Rarely does a fic start out perfect.  It takes time and patience.

What is a growth mindset?  Click on the link and find out.  I think a good way to describe a growth mindset is to consider the following questions:  "Are good leaders born or made?"  In the writing world this becomes, "Are good writers born or made?"  The truth is, I think some people are naturally good writers but I suspect more just read a lot and practice until they become better.  I'm not sure that means anyone can become amazing, but I do think it's rare to find someone who just naturally sits down and write their first fic and it's amazing.   It takes time to learn about active vs. passive voice (and MLP fics seem filled with passive voice...) or to learn how to show and not tell.

I tell my students this all the time in terms of mathematics.  Most of them feel they are bad at math and that this is a defined part of who they are.  My job is to help them understand how that is a fixed mindset and why they need to switch to a growth mindset.  I figure if I have my students write essays on this, I probably should address the areas in my life where I have that fixed mindset.  I'd hate to be a hypocrite.

I think when it came to writing for the last 22 years, I've always believed I never had the ability to get much better than I am.  Seriously, 100 fics with lots of efforts to make each fic the best I can, and I still find myself not much further than where I was. However, I'm not sure that means I can't grow. I just have to find the right way to grow.  The old advice for art is to hang out with people who are better artists.  I suspect this is true for writing.  If I want to improve, I have to hang out with better writers.

I'm thinking of all of this right now because I'm writing a Rainbow Dash fic and I am overwhelmed trying to catch the right voice and world.  I don't know how many drafts it would even take to make this work, but I really want to try and not give up right away.  Of course, I probably should be working instead, but this fic will not leave my head.  I'm really hoping it will be a short story because I'm better at short stories over all and I don't have time for a long fic.  Unfortunately, the fic seems to choose its length and I have no control.  I just hope, with my growth mindset, I can make it a story others will find worth reading.

Last night I went online to find ways to improve my writing. I read more on how to avoid passive voice and how to better engage readers in a scene. I then looked at my Disneyland story and did a bunch of rewrites. I really feel I have so much to learn about writing. I should probably take a class.

One of the arguments I read said the passive voice is discouraged because it's a way to to avoid giving more details. In other words, it's the lazy way out of thinking through the story. I don't think anyone ever told me why passive was bad before except that it wasn't as engaging (and the subject/actor were often in the wrong parts of the sentence.) Thinking about passive as lazy makes more sense to me in terms of learning how to revise. I noticed in my story that when I fought the passive voice I usually hadn't painted the scene or the reasoning well enough.

I used to think some people were gifted in writing and others could only do so much to improve. I always saw myself in the latter category. While I still believe some people are just gifted, I wonder if non-gifted writers can be just as successful. I wonder if maybe a mediocre writer just needs to learn how to revise and better picture the scene?

What about you? How do you go about revising your drafts? What do you look for?

I had to distract myself from my current story, so I wrote one for the Siege III tag challenge at sheps_atlantis. It's not beta'd or anything, just something to distract myself.

Link to the SGA fanfic: A Soldier's Dream