Sleep

[sgatazmy]

I haven’t slept well in 11 days.  Many nights I am only asleep for 1-2 hours at a time.  It feels like torture and I want to cry.

But I am now 20,000 words into my fic and I think I see the end….I hope.  

This fic is so heavy, too. I feel like Rodney is writing it for me and when he gets to the part where he has to explain why he is struggling, I just about lost it. I cries so hard for him.

I realized this fic is my response to all the shortcomings in the show from making jokes of things that really aren’t jokes to dark, immoral answers that are just not okay (spacing Elizabeth!). My side characters keep telling me they have something to say, and now there are awkward side passages that should feel awkward because it’s hard to be on the side when someone is really hurting and you just don’t know how to help.

So I set out to write something funny and Rodney said: No, it’s actually trauma.

When I wrote chapter 1 I tried so hard to keep deleting the darkest undertones but Rodney said no. He had something to say and it would not be deleted.

I can’t wait for this to be done.