![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Aug. 10th, 2015
I took my daughter to a party the other day. It was a nice party and we had a great time. There were just a few things that really bothered me and I've been thinking about them ever since.
First, there was the mom who kept saying how glad she was her son chose a rainbow theme because if he'd chosen a superhero theme she wouldn't know what to do for all the girls attending. My daughter who loves superheroes heard this and I have to wonder what her take away was. Sorry, girls can't like superheroes? Forget dressing as Spiderman this year because that's not for girls? Sadly, I think the world tells her this over and over again and at some point it is going to stick.
Second, as we were leaving the party there were two groups of party favors. My daughter reached for one but the mom stopped her and said "Oh, no these are for the boys. You wouldn't like them."
My daughter didn't know what to say to this. She simply grabbed one of the other favors and left confused. I mentioned to the mom that my daughter would probably have preferred the "boy" favor if only to let her know she shouldn't tell kids what they should like.
So here we are on the drive home and my daughter has the favor of a lipstick styled pen. Great. She's never even seen lipstick and it's pink and she's totally confused as to what this thing is even for. I know she would have loved the superhero toy.
I understand when choosing party favors, etc., that sometimes gender roles do come into play. I know many girls who would want the more "girly" items and boys who want the more "boy" items but I also know many who would prefer the toy marked for the opposite gender. For me the part that really had me fuming was where she told my daughter, "You wouldn't like that". Really? It's one thing to just hand a kid the favor you picked for them it's another to tell them the other is off limits because "you won't like them".
I wish this were one instance but in reality my daughter seems to face this regularly. I've heard parents talk about chores for boys versus chores for girls (is there a difference?) while she is standing right there. I've heard one kid tell another she couldn't be a girl because girls have long hair. I've seen my daughter not invited to park play dates simply because she is a girl. How did all of this start so early?
Earlier this summer we went to McDonald's and Ginny kept talking about how she wanted the Transformer. When they asked if she was a girl or a boy my husband hesitated and answered "Transformers, please." Looking back, we wish he'd said, "She would like the transformers, please."
I talk to my daughter about these issues regularly because apparently it's not possible to leave it all unsaid. I ask her if she thinks there is such a thing as a girl's toy or a boy's toy. She always answers, "Of course not." We try to instill in her a sense of security for her choices. She loves dragons, superheroes, blue, red, space, dinosaurs, etc. She also likes dolls, playing house, pretending to be a waitress, purple, and making bracelets. If I were to ask her which of those she believed to be for girls or which she believed to be for boys she'd probably be hard pressed to answer.
First, there was the mom who kept saying how glad she was her son chose a rainbow theme because if he'd chosen a superhero theme she wouldn't know what to do for all the girls attending. My daughter who loves superheroes heard this and I have to wonder what her take away was. Sorry, girls can't like superheroes? Forget dressing as Spiderman this year because that's not for girls? Sadly, I think the world tells her this over and over again and at some point it is going to stick.
Second, as we were leaving the party there were two groups of party favors. My daughter reached for one but the mom stopped her and said "Oh, no these are for the boys. You wouldn't like them."
My daughter didn't know what to say to this. She simply grabbed one of the other favors and left confused. I mentioned to the mom that my daughter would probably have preferred the "boy" favor if only to let her know she shouldn't tell kids what they should like.
So here we are on the drive home and my daughter has the favor of a lipstick styled pen. Great. She's never even seen lipstick and it's pink and she's totally confused as to what this thing is even for. I know she would have loved the superhero toy.
I understand when choosing party favors, etc., that sometimes gender roles do come into play. I know many girls who would want the more "girly" items and boys who want the more "boy" items but I also know many who would prefer the toy marked for the opposite gender. For me the part that really had me fuming was where she told my daughter, "You wouldn't like that". Really? It's one thing to just hand a kid the favor you picked for them it's another to tell them the other is off limits because "you won't like them".
I wish this were one instance but in reality my daughter seems to face this regularly. I've heard parents talk about chores for boys versus chores for girls (is there a difference?) while she is standing right there. I've heard one kid tell another she couldn't be a girl because girls have long hair. I've seen my daughter not invited to park play dates simply because she is a girl. How did all of this start so early?
Earlier this summer we went to McDonald's and Ginny kept talking about how she wanted the Transformer. When they asked if she was a girl or a boy my husband hesitated and answered "Transformers, please." Looking back, we wish he'd said, "She would like the transformers, please."
I talk to my daughter about these issues regularly because apparently it's not possible to leave it all unsaid. I ask her if she thinks there is such a thing as a girl's toy or a boy's toy. She always answers, "Of course not." We try to instill in her a sense of security for her choices. She loves dragons, superheroes, blue, red, space, dinosaurs, etc. She also likes dolls, playing house, pretending to be a waitress, purple, and making bracelets. If I were to ask her which of those she believed to be for girls or which she believed to be for boys she'd probably be hard pressed to answer.